Time without limits

Yesterday when I wrote that in eternity, time will be no more, I got to thinking that some may think I was saying that there's no more time, when what I meant is that in heaven, time will be totally unlimited and no clocks will be needed!! I'm so thrilled about that, as I'm a person who is very prone to being late. Even as a child I would be running out the door to school asking my dad if he could please give me more minutes!! He promised he would to comfort me but I was still late!! My Heavenly Father is going to give me unlimited minutes!!

Yesterday was an amazing day, as about 20 friends came and told us how much Bob had impacted their lives. There was a steady stream coming in very manageable intervals. Bob's sister Lois and I felt as though we were even getting to know Bob better as we had the opportunity to see him through other's eyes and what he has meant to them. It really was a very sacred time.

Bob didn't respond at all until around 9:30 pm when he had a bit of a coughing spell. A couple of friends were there at the time. This awakened him somewhat and we kept poking and teasing him until he opened his eyes and even gave us some smiles and kisses!! I hope he heard some of the expressions of gratitude, deep affection, and memories of his influence in the lives of all who came to visit. Lois and I were very moved by it all and felt so proud and bessed to be his sister and wife.

Lois and I are heading back to the hospital shortly and Barbie will be arriving soon.

Thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers and love.

Time is precious . . .

. . . and it is short. Bob took a huge turn on Wednesday night and was taken to the hospital on Thursday. The cancer has likely spread to his liver. An ultrasound will confirm that today. He's pretty sedated so isn't able to be engaged much, but still is SO loving, thoughtful, and even his ever-professional, gracious self when interacting with the nursing staff and the rest of us.

I love him more every hour. The Lord has given us an amazing two years together with almost unlimited time (in each 24 hour period) to spend together. Our relationship with one another and the Lord has deepened so much and it took this illness and suffering to bring this all about.

But now time is short. Bob's sister Lois arrived yesterday and our three children are arriving in the next two days. It's WONDERFUL to have them all here and so many friends, but I miss having him all to myself already.

But eternity awaits, when time will be no more!!

Thanks for your love and prayers,
Carol

Still lots of pain

Bob’s pain (mostly lower back pain) continues to increase, either that or his body has adjusted to the amount of pain medication he’s taking and isn’t as effective, requiring more. This makes him very sleepy and we’ve also found that it also makes him nauseous. We were blaming the chemo for the nausea, but he hasn’t had chemo for almost four weeks now, and it was only a half dose. When we reviewed the information about the hydromorphone pain medication, we found that nausea was the first side-effect listed!!

It will be so wonderful when his pain medication can be reduced. We’re hoping that the chemo and also the efforts we’re making to boost his immune system will shrink the tumour and cancer activity in his body so that there’s less pressure on the nerves in his lower back.

In spite of all of this we’ve enjoyed a week with friends who came out here to visit us from Toronto!! Flora and Paul Wesley (Flora taught at CBC way back in the 70’s) have been with us, but staying in the guest suite in our condo complex. We’ve enjoyed their time with us so much—talking, checking out the beautiful surroundings, sharing the challenges of health issues (Flora also has cancer and Paul has Parkinson’s), reading and praying together, and of course EATING!!

On Thursday Bob had a small surgical procedure done whereby a port-a-cath was inserted in his upper chest. He’ll be able to get his chemo through that port as well as other medications and procedures. This was performed at the hospital in Abbotsford where our dear friends Chris and Lyle Hopwood live. Amazingly, Bob felt well enough after the procedure to go out for lunch with Chris and Lyle.

We will see Bob’s oncologist on Tuesday and then he’ll have his second chemo in this cycle on Thursday. We’re doing all we can to boost Bob’s immune system through diet and herbal products. This allows me to be quite active in caring for Bob as I make protein drinks, veggie juices, various teas, and prepare as healthy a diet as possible. It’s quite a task being on top of the daily regime of taking medication at the right times and preparing and serving these other things. Since Bob’s pretty “foggy”, he needs his resident nurse to be on top of all of these things and there’s nothing I’d rather do!!

Our daily devotional times, listening to wonderful music, connecting with family and friends frequently, taking occasional walks, and reading together keep feeding our spirits and nurturing our relationship. We continue to be amazed by and so very grateful for the reality of God’s presence and peace.

Barbie’s flying out from Regina for ten days later this month and we are looking so forward to that!!

Nothing There!!

Since Carol does all the driving now, it wasn't unusual for her to be slipping in behind the wheel, with me on the passenger side, returning from a recent Dr's. appointment. In her effervescent way she exclaimed, "Isn't it great that there was nothing there!!" The only slightly disturbing part of this picture is that we were talking about a CT Scan of my brain/head. And yes it was good news that there was nothing there that could be suggest the spread of cancer to that area of my body--just another precautionary assessment ordered by our watchful doctor.

Sometimes the journey I'm on brings humour, sometimes faith, and it's amazing how close these first cousins are in the illness family.

Our grandson Billy sent me an email the other day. "Hey Papa, Hope you're going to feel really better and maybe last for like another, I don't know. Lot's of years would be better. Very very better." And on another occasion, "Do you still have the cancer in your body? Are you getting drugs? I hope you are gonna get better, our prayers still have you in our mouths." Nothing jaded or cynical here, just the ongoing language of faith and longing and "in the mouth" of my 8-year-old grandson! Does it get any better than this?

The past couple of weeks has had me adjusting to pain medication in the morphine family in an effort to get a benchmark for future increases/decreases in the medication. It has brought moments of laughter for Carol and me as I try to process the drug-induced "real" world and the real, real world. I've said some pretty stupid things, done some equally crazy things that would embarrass me to no end if I had known they were happening at the time. In reality they do make me feel embarrassed even now when I think of them, but I hope the nurses and staff got a laugh out of them. I did--ultimately, and of course Carol did--immediately. Bottom line of this is that I am pain free most of the time--which is a great blessing.

I began chemotherapy again last week and, depending on how my body responds, could be on for as long as 21 weeks (one treatment every three weeks). Thank God I do not respond to the chemo with severe side effects. We are also taking a proactive step in the world of non-traditional medicine. We believe God has led us to a trustworthy person who will help us profit from the natural substances and processes that will help my body do what the body is intended to do, healing itself once the right conditions have been restored.

May God give us all the right mixture of faith, humour, reactive and proactive responses to the journey he is leading us along.

Thankful for Family

We had a wonderful six days with our kids and grandkids in Regina—Dec. 25 to 31. The pictures tell the story best.

All of our amazing grandchildren!

Tim, Kim, Colby-9, Gracyn-7, Carson-6, and Mykenna-3

David, Ann, Billy-8 and Manny-5

Papa, Grammy, and Auntie with the kids

Bob’s pain was managed pretty well with his medication, but he was liable to drop off to sleep at any given moment!! Sleeping overnight at Barbie’s gave him the opportunity to get more rest. He had dialysis twice in Regina and we arrived home in time on the 31st for him to have dialysis on New Year’s Eve. The Renal Unit isn’t the most partying atmosphere, but it offered exactly what was needed!!

Then on Jan. 2nd, Bob’s sister Lois came to visit us for four days. She and her husband Duane just returned from Uruguay in mid-December for their furlough and have settled in Eugene, OR where Duane’s mother lives. Lois was able to take the Amtrak up from Eugene to Bellingham, WA—just 30 minutes south of the border from us. We had a great time together—mostly just lounging around, having good conversations, laughing, praying, and drinking lots of coffee—along with the post-Christmas goodies that still seem to be in abundance. We even roasted a turkey to share together.

Bob’s pain has been increasing, requiring him to take larger doses of pain medication—a type of morphine. While we’re so thankful that he has access to effective pain management, we’re concerned about the source of the pain and the need to begin treatment as soon as possible.

Today he saw his oncologist who is proposing a different chemo protocol to begin towards the end of next week. His kind of cancer—“metastatic urothelial carcinoma”-- is somewhat rare, so there haven’t been many studies on various treatment options. He has responded quite positively to the two six-month rounds of chemo that he’s had, but each time they are less effective.

While we are encouraged that the cancer hasn’t moved to other organs, it has spread in the kidney/ureter/bladder area and now lymph nodes are enlarged, possibly the source of his pain.

We had some good conversations with our children about their dad’s condition and how we all are processing it. The kids suggested that we plan right now for the next family gathering so that we are looking into the future with hope and expectancy. So we’re all planning to converge here this summer and spend a few days together in July at a wonderful retreat centre just south of the border called Cedar Springs. It’s the most beautiful setting nestled in the foothills of Mt. Baker and the food is absolutely fabulous!!


Here’s a bit of news on other family members:

KIM completed all of her treatments for breast cancer and is feeling like she’s pretty close to normal once again. Her condition will be monitored every few months with much hope and prayers that she will remain cancer-free for the rest of her life.

JIM’s recent CT scans have come back without any alarms, however he just can’t seem to gain weight and wishes he felt stronger. The doctors assure him that his recovery has been very good considering all he’s been through and that the weight issue may be the new norm.

My MOM and DAD have settled very well into their new home in the Oklahoma City area and are loving being near family. Mom’s been getting considerable relief from her unrelenting headaches through frequent chiropractic treatments. This is such a blessing.

So again, we are full of thanks for all that the Lord has done for us as a family this past year. We’re grateful for all of the good medical attention we’ve received in every form, but our ultimate dependence is on the Lord. So we look forward to this new year with a sense of growing expectancy in His provision of strength, healing, and the peace that passes human understanding.

Experiencing both joy and pain

Two days after Bob wrote the previous update, our doctor arranged to have him admitted to the hospital for three days to deal with his pain issues more effectively. During that time his pain was assessed and a proper dosage of medication was prescribed to keep him almost pain-free, however it makes him quite sleepy! While there, he had a CT scan revealing some advancement of disease on his bladder wall which has become thickened and irregular. This likely accounts for the increased pain.

The original mass has gotten slightly larger and he has a few enlarged nodes in his peritoneal cavity, however no other organs like liver, pancreas, or spleen have been affected. His full body bone scan was also clear of cancer. We found these results to be much more encouraging than they could have been.

Bob will see his oncologist the day before Christmas, and we're hoping she will bring a little more clarity to these findings and also suggest either chemo or radiation to take place early in the new year.

We still plan to fly to Regina on Christmas night for five days to be with our children and grandchildren. We're thankful for the pain medication that should keep him comfortable, and he'll receive two dialysis treatments while we're there.

Bob spent three days on the Palliative Care Ward at Surrey Memorial Hospital. It’s a small quiet ward and the care and atmosphere is so loving and homey. They even had a piano in the small lounge by the nurses’ station which I encouraged Bob to play for the enjoyment of the staff and patients. He was quite reticent to do that, but one of the nurses overheard our conversation and added her weight to the request. She even threatened to not discharge him until he played the piano . . . so that motivation seemed effective!! Here he is playing “I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas” and “Silent Night” just before being discharged—to everyone’s delight!!

And the “dream” of a white Christmas became a beautiful reality the night Bob came home from the hospital!!

Again, thank you SO much for your love and prayers. Just yesterday morning we were reading II Corinthians chapter one where Paul talks about his suffering and says in verses 10 and 11: " . . . On Him we have set our hope that He will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers." You have helped us so much by your prayers.

May your Christmas be blessed with much joy and the wonderful awareness of the presence of Jesus, especially when pain is also a part of your life.

Pain--the Gift Nobody Wants

In his book, Pain: the Gift Nobody Wants, Dr. Paul Brand (coauthored with Phillip Yancey), who has spent his life working with people with leprosy, contrasts East and West. In the West we spend billions of dollars a year on avoiding pain, whereas in the East, people develop a worldview that includes pain: pain and joy go together, you can't have one without the other. Pain is a gift in that it alerts us to issues that need to be dealt with.

As my pain has re-emerged this past month, getting stronger each week, it has helped me to take a longer-range view of my day-to-day experiences. As I place it in the perspective of God's long-term involvement in my life, and I realize that once death comes in this life, I have eternal life without pain, I recenter my thoughts on how God views the pain that I--and many others--experience. In it all he claims to be working everything together for my good, he calls these times of trouble momentary in comparison to the life ahead, he says he will never leave me and that nothing can separate me from his love. So many foundational thoughts that all Christians know about, but provide confident hope and faith through trials. He even goes so far as to say, "count it all joy when you encounter various trials," and that is what Carol and I have been discussing the past few days. How does this work for our good when pain is our experience.

On the good-news front, a full body scan showed no progression of the cancer to the bones. Next week I will have a CT Scan to see what might be happening in the soft tissue in my abdomen. The pain means something, but what? So we're really dealing with hypotheses at this point, and treatment options are educated guesses as to what will be best. My bone marrow cannot handle much more chemotherapy, so we'll see what God and the medical community have up their sleeves.

As you see us enjoying the Christmas banquet at our church, we remember that the Christmas story is not exempt from pain either. The pain of childbirth. The pain of Jesus and his parents being refugees. The pain of countless families as baby boys are slaughtered in King Herod's frantic effort to remove a potential rival. Yet Jesus entered our fallen world to deal with the pains we experience: he chose pain as a way of life to bring healing to ours. We're so blessed.

We're hoping to be in Regina with our entire family for the week following Christmas. Being in the presence of those we love is always a gift. May God give you the same peace and joy that has been ours over this journey with Him through cancer.

With love,
Bob (for Carol too)